hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
