I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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