Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
