Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
