My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
