It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
