Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
