Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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