I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize