If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
