Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
