Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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