census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
