I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
