she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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