Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
