I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
