good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
