It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
