Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
