We're facebook friends in real life
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
