1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
