I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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