help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
