i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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