I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
