You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize