Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
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