Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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