Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
