i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
