My first STD was from a foam party
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
