DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
