so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
