what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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