she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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