epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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