So drunk, too bad you don't want this
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize