I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
