Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
