You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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