are you still at the devil's house?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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