Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
