I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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