It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
