wakey wakey hands off snakey
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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