i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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