My Higher Power is John Stamos
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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