i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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