So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
