There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
