hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
