i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
