May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
