and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
