So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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