I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
