Too much gin, very little bucket
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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