it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
