Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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