that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
