your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
