tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
