She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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