I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
