I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
