I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
