im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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