I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She bit a glass in half.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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