Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
